terça-feira, 4 de janeiro de 2011

Sad but True

You know, most of the time I think in english... it really helps me to think straight ... and since I'm not writting to any of you... (I'm writting to myself actually), I guess I can make an exception and do whatever I want to do...

So I guess I can start with:"Hello there troubled mind!"

Why is it that when you stay a night awake your mind wander to the strangest places... I just realized so many things... it's so odd to me to see things so clear... I guess I was the only one on my way.. Is that even possible?

On my last post a friend said that life was "the chaos", that the chaos makes us evolve... but I kind find out just now, that chaos is created by us... so, if chaos is created by us, we live in perfect order! Or at least we should... The fact is that it's easier to think in a order than to think about the chaos... Like, if you are trying to find an answer to something, look for the thing that is not, there will be the answer... For example, when you buy something without thinking too much about it... So you work and you can pay for it, that's the order, but when you can't pay for it, you just altered the order to chaos, haahahahaha! So, the answer for the little chaos that you've created buying something that you shouldn't buy because you can't pay, is that you should buy only things that you can pay for... because that's the order...

So, if we don't live in chaos, why the hell do we create it???????? To add some fucking spice to life? Like, when you like someone that doesn't like you or when you treat bad someone who loves you, or when you fall into an impossible relationship, or when you .... Why do we do things knowing that they are not the "right" thing to do? What is it that make us do irrational things?

I don't understand it.. I really don't... the thing is that it seems that we tend to enjoy the chaos... to enjoy the feeling of doing something that probably won't work, just so we can find out in the end if it really didn't work...

You know what?????????? I'll do a little experiment... from now on I'll try to live in a perfect order... let's see what's going to happen! I won't follow my mind anymore... I'll try to be rational... I wonder if I can pull that off... anyways, I'll try...

From now on I'm not speaking about my desease, well, I'm not mentioning myself as a sick person.... Sickness is the chaos, health is the order. So, as someone said to me yesterday "you don't look sick at all... what is it that you have?", I don't have anything (denial mode on)...

I also won't believe that impossible things can happen... or at least I won't trick myself anymore... Like getting into something without being 100% sure of what I'm doing and what might be the consequences...

I'll try with all my soul (poetic, huh?) to stay in the good side of the force... Let's see what's going to happen.... I won't complicate anything anymore... now things will be black and white, simple as that.

Yeah... that's that... let's try something different for a change...

Morning to all of you...

Sally is now offline.... peace out!

6 comentários:

  1. Sally, i've tried to follow your reasoning, but it was not so easy... Chaos, order, everything is all very complex... I like to think, for instance, that chaos can become order and vice-versa... For someone who always lived in chaos, chaos becomes its order... The kid born in the favelas has a different view over chaos and order... maybe, what he might think is order, for us it could be total chaos!! Besides, order itself is also complex to understand... what is order exactly? who defines it? you? me? according to whom buying something you can't pay (at the momment) is considered chaos? being in debt is chaos? according to banks? doing everything right is order? what exactly means "right"? my will, my rules, my values, or others people values, rules and will? Maybe order and chaos need to coexist, no? maybe life means the balance between order and chaos and happiness can maybe be understood as the perfect balance between these two forces...
    You're right to say that we complicate life... maybe if we were totally irrational, living would be much simpler... Is our rationality that turns everything much more complex!

  2. Like Neo used to think, "there is no spoon..."

  3. @MCanna:

    That's exactly it!!!!

    "- Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead,only try to realize the thuth.
    - What truth?
    - There's no spoon.
    - There's no spoon?
    - Then you will see that is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."

    And right now, I feel like I've just talked to my pal Morpheus:

    "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

  4. @Márcio:

    I totally agree with you! Chaos and order are really complex. And yes, chaos can become order and the vice-versa.

    Answering you: Like you said, if a person has always lived in chaos, chaos becomes order, so it's not chaos anymore, is it?

    What comes to my mind is that there are certain levels of order and chaos... Maybe, what is order to me is chaos for another person. So, order and chaos are personal concepts of one's reality. But besides that there's like a global understanding of a general order.

    And I guess I was referring to that general order when I gave that example. There's a general way of living, understandig and acting that seems universal. The order is in a way explained by our sense of rightnousness, I guess...

    And you asked if doing everything right is the order, well, I guess that doing everything right could take us near of what it is supposed to be the order, yeah… I don’t see a way of living in order while doing bad things… or “wrong” things… do you?
    About what is right… I do believe that deep inside we know what’s right and wrong. I believe that it is an universal “knowledge” that lies inside of our reason as human beings. That being said, there are some “rules” that both of us have to obey, even if it is not what we think is right, but it is for the general order… Like, things we do to be moral beings. Can you imagine, if we could apply the hamurabi’s code of law? Sometimes I wish I could… But it’s nothing physical that prevents me from applying it… it’s actually in my head, my reason, because of what I know it’s right.

  5. And you are again totally right when you said that Chaos and order coexist, they do. But I’m not sure about the balance between those too… You mean like 50% chaos and 50% order? From what I see, order is better than chaos, so why a balance? Let’s try more order than chaos…

    Now, you talked about happiness… I don’t believe we can achieve happiness, I believe that there are moments of happiness, moments that we can be happy… so I would probably think that those moments can only come from order. Well…thinking again, assuming that chaos is when we take risks and are not conformed by the order… Maybe they already coexist on their fullest potential like 100% order and 100% chaos and like I said, we live in order, and “create” chaos for different reasons… Then, life becomes like 70% order and 30% chaos… and maybe I was totally wrong about the 50-50 part… there you have it, your balance…
    But wait a minute… that theory goes to a pre-existent chaos, right? Or I really can measure chaos and order… I guess that might be the mistake… It would be really odd to think that chaos can bring happiness… and thinking back, I guess that could actually happen…

    For real Márcio…. What have you done to my mind… hahahahaha!

  6. *Or I really CAN'T measure chaos and order...